Ashley Mayer

Early Summer Orientation

2008-06-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

This year I decided to go out of my comfort zone and become involved in my school. I volunteered to help out at the grand opening of the Health Sciences building as a greeter. At the orientation session I was told about an opportunity to join a student leadership group called the "student ambassadors." I got information about it and decided that this was what I wanted to do so I applied and had an interview and am now officially a Douglas College Student Ambassador.

The first event I was a part of as an ambassador was the summer graduation ceremonies. The first evening I stuck close to my comfort zone and helped give out diplomas. The second evening, however, I was positioned as a greeter/information giver-outer. I had to approach students and parents as they entered the college and direct them to their respective places and answer any questions they had. awkward :S haha, I don't enjoy approaching people and found myself way out of my comfort area. It went well though! I felt good about doing something I was afraid to do.

This week is the Early Summer Orientations. I'm going to be leading a group in icebreakers and wanted to organize my answers to the questions I'm going to ask here! Here goes:

Open by talking a little about your own experience making the transition from HS to DC.
Where did you go to school? New Westminster Secondary School
What were you excited/nervous about when you were approaching September? I was excited about starting the next stage of my life and the independance which goes along with being a college student. I was nervous about not knowing anyone and not knowing where anything was and the bus route.
What was your first year like? My first year was amazing. It started off rocky for sure. I started in the January semester and the first day of school it snowed! my bus got stuck and I was late for my program orientation. but it all went up from there!
How did you make friends and/or connect with instructors? I'm in a closed program so we're with the same girls everyday, in every class. Even with that I found making friends nerve racking. At lunch time I saw quite a few of the nursing girls sitting on their own at seperate tables so I gathered them up and we all had lunch together.
What’s your favourite thing about DC? My favourite thing... the caf! I love to eat and they have plenty of food :D

· What’s your name? Ashley Mayer
· What high school did you go to? New westminster secondary school
· What are you hoping to study at Douglas College? nursing
· What’s your favourite ice cream? chocolate chip cookie dough
· What super power would you choose? mind reading

2 truths and a lie
- I come from a family of 12
- I have 7 cats, a dog and a bunny
- I eat eel on a regular basis

:D

This is for you!

2008-06-10T08:51:00.001-07:00

IT WORKS!

I had so much trouble trying to get back into this account that I even made a new one! Brent I'd like you to know that any blog I write here is directly written for you because I believe you are the only one in the world who ever reads these anyways. I know I don't :D

My last post I find very interesting. I've been to that point of seeking God instead of a husband a few times this year. Every time I've been broken, I come back to the place where I desire to seek Gods heart. I want to have that desire even while I'm in a relationship thats going well. I want to desire to seek Gods heart first even while my heart is whole and happy.

I'm excited to start this journey. I'll let you know how successful it is!
I have a busy day ahead of me so I'm going to go get ready. My mind is still filled with thoughts about sex and sexuality so I'll make sure I post my thoughts on that some time this week. Don't worry, they are all holy thoughts ;) They are more "questioning what I believe about the subject" and "what I believe my church to think about the subject" kind of thoughts.

:D

L.O.V.E.

2007-01-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

well, its come to my attention that i don't blog at all.. haha, yes that is the truth. I haven't been thinking about it at all lately. but now that its on my mind i will write write write.
I went to christines blog to check it out and she had just done the love languages quiz so i did it as well=] and here were my results

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		8
Acts of Service:		7
Words of Affirmation:		7
Physical Touch:		6
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

I thought it was interesting, i thought for sure that touch would be my top one but i was told otherwise. i agree with it=] yay for practical love.

i've been thinking a lot about love in the last few days. i've been taking my thoughts captive , which i believe is very biblical=p haha and i've been accepting realities. Jesus is who i want to look to for love and to show love. i can do this through my primary love languages, spending time with Him and serving him. My desire is to focus my love on him right now. My husband will come in time and i don't need to be searching for him. I need to seek first His kingdom and the rest will come.

is that a revelation or what? its a well needed one at that. re-reading my diary shows me how desperate for love i really was and am. i have love himself adoring me so i don't need to look elsewhere. Hallelujah.

so thats my post for today, who knows, maybe this will become more routine.
Love you all.

Teen CAMP.

2006-07-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

Teen camp was really great. I didn't expect it to look anything like it did. I had a lot of fun and met some really great people. I found a passion and "rippled" on the girls I met and they rippled right back. It felt amazing. As I was pouring into those that I now love they poured right back into me. I left camp more full than when I came, it was amazing. The girls in my cabin were so sweet and full of compassion and dreams and visions. It was suprising how much I grew, when I left for this weekend I didn't expect that at all. I was going to have some fun and make some friends which I did. I also got to witness and change some lives and in turn have my life changed. I prayed with one of my new friends as they accepted Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and left there so excited and wishing to celebrate. It was a huge moment for them as well as for me. Having God use me in such a way is an honour. I feel blessed to have gone to teen camp, it was amazing.

<3

CAR wash.

2006-06-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

working at the car wash./yeah.

Today was pretty fun. Full of washing cars, sitting around, getting wet. .and you know, doing stuff. I pretty much loved it. I love youth sssssstuff. and I love the youth. and all them young adults too, don't worry.

2006-06-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in quite awhile and I learned a very important lesson today so I thought I'd share it with you guys.

Theres this guy that I've been head over heels with for awhile now and I'd go way out of my way just to talk with him. He intrigued me, there was definetly a mystery to him. So being the girl I am I told all my friends that I was crushing on him, pointed him out to my mom in the yearbook, invited him to church, anything I possibly could. I loved talking about him. So then I find out he has a girlfriend. My initial response was a painful stare of unbelief and then turned into an even more painful sinking in of the truth. As tragic as it was at the time, I've now realized that its not that big of a deal and that life goes on. It may not seem like a big realization but it was huge for me. I had to walk down the hall thinking about all the good things going on just to keep myself from crying. I was hurt. So yeah, the lesson in all of this for me was to guard my heart. I was pretty much asking for him to step on my heart, I was sticking it right underneath his foot. He's someone I barely know, who barely knows me, and put my self in a very vulnerable position. I'm not sure what guarding my heart looks like, but I'm pretty sure I know a few things I would go back and change..

anyways, I guess you guys can learn from my mistake..

//different//

2006-05-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, It's been a wierd week. I'm not even sure I understand it all yet, theres definetly got to be a lesson in it somewhere.

It started with uncontrollable sobbing all Sunday, Oh and monday, and tuesday and also some of wednesday. And in the midst of that was some wierd on and off sickness that involved icky tummies and a whole lot of sneezing. I was dizzy a lot too and I just was completely exhausted most of the time. Not to mention I was really irritable and grumpy at everyone. I'm pretty sure I understand that one though, I was frustrated with soem family stuff and that was translating into the other areas of my life.

Gosh, so in between all the grumbling I did about everything I had a few of the most amazing moments of my life. I was forced to go to God because I couldn't talk to anybody about what was going on because I didn't really know. I spent more time in prayer than I have in awhile. I also had to discipline myself to do my bible study even though I would have much rather been sleeping. So I guess, I do kind of understand a little of whats going on. I'm pretty sure this is what they call trials and I'm gaining some perseverance and becoming intimate with God.

A big thing I've been thinking about a lot this week is the verse that goes:

"If you love me, obey my commandments"

I don't know where its found but I know I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I think it shows you what Christianity is really about. A lot of people see it as just an extra set of rules that "goody-goodys" follow. I've been really chewing on it for a while. Everything we do should be out of love for Jesus and in gratitude for everything He's done for us. Like, we often say we love Jesus or atleast I do but lately I've noticed that those are just words and my actions need to portray that. This whole thought makes much more sence in my head ... God just keeps asking me, Do you love Me? and my answer is always changing and I really want it to be yes but thats not the reality all the time. It's something that I'm defiently working on.

Anyways, I think I"m going to stop rambling now...

2006-04-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[a] And by him we cry, "Abba,[b] Father."

Romans 8:15

18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

On that day they will say to Jerusalem, "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.

Zephaniah 3:16

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

JOSHUA1:9

I have been given a spirit of Freedom and not of Fear. I will proclaim that and live it. I need not fear.

HALLELUJAH!

2006-04-14T17:45:00.001-07:00

Soldier's Covenant

Having accepted Jesus Christ as my Saviour and Lord, and desiring to fulfil my membership of His Church on earth as a soldier of The Salvation Army, I now by God's grace enter into a sacred covenant.I believe and will live by the truths of the word of God expressed in The Salvation Army's eleven articles of faith:

-We believe that the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments were given by inspiration of God; and that they only constitute the Divine rule of Christian faith and practice.

-We believe that there is only one God, who is infinitely perfect, the Creator, Preserver, and Governor of all things, and who is the only proper object of religious worship.

-We believe that there are three persons in the Godhead - the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost - undivided in essence and co-equal in power and glory.

-We believe that in the person of Jesus Christ the Divine and human natures are united, so that He is truly and properly God and truly and properly man.

-We believe that our first parents were created in a state of innocency, but by their disobedience they lost their purity and happiness; and that in consequence of their fall all men have become sinners, totally depraved, and as such are justly exposed to the wrath of God.

-We believe that the Lord Jesus Christ has, by His suffering and death, made an atonement for the whole world so that whosoever will may be saved.

-We believe that repentance towards God, faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and regeneration by the Holy Spirit are necessary to salvation.

-We believe that we are justified by grace, through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ; and that he that believeth hath the witness in himself.

-We believe that continuance in a state of salvation depends upon continued obedient faith in Christ.

-We believe that it is the privilege of all believers to be wholly sanctified, and that their whole spirit and soul and body may be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

-We believe in the immortality of the soul; in the resurrection of the body; in the general judgment at the end of the world; in the eternal happiness of the righteous; and in the endless punishment of the wicked.

-I will be responsive to the Holy Spirit's work and obedient to His leading in my life, growing in grace through worship, prayer, service and the reading of the Bible.

-I will make the values of the Kingdom of God and not the values of the world the standard for my life.

-I will uphold Christian integrity in every area of my life, allowing nothing in thought, word or deed that is unworthy, unclean, untrue, profane, dishonest or immoral.I will maintain Christian ideals in all my relationships with others; my family and neighbours, my colleagues and fellow salvationists, those to whom and for whom I am responsible, and the wider community.

-I will uphold the sanctity of marriage and of family life. I will be a faithful steward of my time and gifts, my money and possessions, my body, my mind and my spirit, knowing that I am accountable to God.

-I will abstain from alcoholic drink, tobacco, the non-medical use of addictive drugs, gambling, pornography, the occult and all else that could enslave the body or spirit.

-I will be faithful to the purposes for which God raised up The Salvation Army, sharing the good news of Jesus Christ, endeavouring to win others to Him, and in His name caring for the needy and the disadvantaged.

-I will be actively involved, as I am able, in the life, work, worship and witness of the corps, giving as large a proportion of my income as possible to support its ministries and the worldwide work of the Army.

-I will be true to the principles and practices of The Salvation Army, loyal to its leaders, and I will show the spirit of salvationism whether in times of popularity or persecution.

I now call upon all present to witness that I enter into this covenant and sign these articles of war of my own free will, convinced that the love of Christ, who died and now lives to save me, requires from me this devotion of my life to His service for the salvation of the whole world; and therefore do here declare my full determination, by God's help, to be a true soldier of The Salvation Army.

"I don't understand why anyone can believe all these things and agree to live their life in this manor and not become a soldier."

I understand why. Fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of being inadequate. Thats whats holding me back anyways. I want to be a good soldier, and I want Jesus to be proud of me. I don't want to make a covenant that I know I'm going to break. It's scary letting someone else have complete control. I don't know whats making me so afraid. I've been in a place where I surrendered all of my self doubt, all of my worries, and all of my fears and the freedom I felt was indescribable but then I picked them all back up again. I cart them around wherever I go, desiring to let them go yet I never drop them, not even for a moment. I hold on to them as if they were treasure. I don't understand myself. Its wierd.

2006-04-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

Intimacy with the Almighty

2006-04-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

I got the new book for XLR8 today:) I'm excited to read it, I've only just looked through it and read one line but I'm pretty sure its going to be full of things I need to hear.

The back of the book says:

Noise and woreds and frenzied, hectic schedules dull our senses, closing out ears to His still, small voice and making us numb to His touch.

Thats definetly how I'm feeling right now so I think digging into this book is going to be pretty sweet. I don't want to read this book and have it be just a nice book though. I want some life flipping stuff.. I need to allow my life to be flipped first though. I need to open myself up and really allow this to happen. I need to surrender to God but its so hard. I'm holding tightly to my life even though I know that inorder to live I must give my life away. God, help me with this, I can't do it on my own. I'm stuck and you are my way out and yet I keep turning to others hoping that they'll be able to help. I realize that you are the way but I'm afraid of trusting you completely. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I really am. You are faithful and you are true, I have no reason to be afraid. Fear not. Fear not. Fear not.

I need to surrender.

2006-04-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, so, so much is going on right now. I don't even understand it all. I'm trying to seek out God and come closer to Him right now but theres so much going on here right in front of my face that my thoughts get distracted and then I start focusing on all of that instead of seeking out who God is and what he wants from my life. The major thing thats getting me right now is all of these boy troubles I'm having. You'd think that being single would be easier.. It feels like I can't escape them right now, I just want to be single and focus on more important things. I want to have friends, not boyfriends. Its hard. I'm pretty sure dating ruins a lot of things anyways. At this point in my life I believe that dating is going to do much more harm than good. I just don't need it right now, you know?

So my head hurts right now from thinking so much, and my tummy hurts from twisting so much. Everything is so stressful sometimes, right now would be one of those times.

Gosh. What I'm trying to figure out right now is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like, where does my ministry lye, what should I do on an everyday basis, What does being a woman of God look like in my everyday life? I'm having so much trouble with this, everything keeps getting in the way. I'm not making it a priority even though I know that I really want it to be. Could you guys pray for me, I just want a clearhead so bad. I want to know what God wants from me. I want to know how to find a balance. I don't want to play church.

L.O.V.E.

2006-03-24T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why I don't read these devotionals more often but I did today and was very glad I did. Read it yourself and you'll see why.

Living By Your New Nature
This devotional was written by Jim Liebelt

But I tell you, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.".— Matthew 5:44-45 (NIV)

The story has been told of a man who while hiking in a desert, stumbled upon a rattlesnake that had become hopelessly wedged between a boulder and some limbs from a fallen tree. The man decided to save the rattlesnake, but in the process the snake tried to bite him. The man tried to free the snake a second time. Again, the snake tried to bite the man. Finally, on the third attempt the man succeeded in freeing the snake. And still, the snake coiled and attempted to strike its liberator. The man’s companion, who had observed from a safe distance, asked the man why he continued to risk himself to free the snake. The man responded, “The snake was attempting to strike because that is its nature. My nature is to love. Should I cease to love because the snake attempts to strike?”

Jesus demonstrated this same concept – a commitment to living by his own nature regardless of another’s nature - when he gave his life to die on our behalf. Hebrews 12:3 instructs us to “Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” The call of the Christ-follower is the call to live our lives following Jesus’ example and based on our new nature as God’s children. We are called to love and serve, regardless of the opposition or persecution we face from others.

Today, will you love even when others attempt to strike?

It definetly gives you something to think about. I know I was thinking.

2006-03-20T20:49:00.000-08:00

What am I doing?

2006-02-27T20:17:00.000-08:00

I'm nervous about going out into our school praying for people. I wasn't at first but I keep thinking aobut it and I don't know if I"m capable of it. I think I might freeze and maybe end up barfing on someone.

It'd be pretty darn cool if you guys could pray for me...

2006-02-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

2006-02-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

Freak Test

Some Random for your Day.

2006-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

Wow, I haven't done much blogging in the last little while so I might hit you hard with a lot of my thoughts from the last little while.

Well its February. I must say that I love february. It might even be my favourite month. Why?
Well its full of birthdays, 5 in my family alone, it holds the wondrous day of love that I like to call
Valentines day, and... its the month before my month. All of which make me smile from ear to ear.

I'm really excited about Valentines Day this year. Its a day of love and thats what I'm going to spend it
doing, just loving on everyone. Often if you're not in a relationship with anybody then Valentines Day
turns into a depressing day and I just think that contradicts the whole point of the day. Everyone in this
world is loved and I think Valentines Day is a wonderful day to celebrate that love. So I'm going to be a Valentines
Day Fairy and remind our school of this love that is reaching out to them.

AND>..
Now that I'm done talking aobut VD I can start talking and ranting about other things. Like, the last week has been a week of refocusing and switching around my priority list. My list isn't where it should be still but its something that I've been working on. Each day God is getting closer to the center of my life, He's taking away all that holds me back from him and that holds him back from me.
I went to this prayer meeting on Tuesday at lunch and I could feel the passion for God when I walked in and I didn't want to leave when lunch was over. God was in that place and it was so nice being able to pray with other believers from my school and to have the fire once again rekindled. I was reminded of Gods power on Tuesday, I was reminded that he is everywhere. It was pretty amazing.

Anyways, I've got so many things that I really want to get out and not enough time at the moment but I'm goign to attempt to blog more regularily.

<3

2006-01-21T13:29:00.000-08:00

<<<<3333

Ahh, the power of God through the wonders of the Ipod.

2005-12-28T20:00:00.000-08:00

My Ipod is talking to me. My tummy is turning and gosh, this is definetly the wake up call that was needed. I've had so many struggles in my head lately and I just needed to tune in. Which, oh my gosh, definetly happened.

So heres the story. I was making a playlist, may I add a very good playlist, mainly because I was bored and it was the thing to do. I wasn't even thinking really about what I was putting on it, just a mix of random, random of which i really like. So I was listening to this and God was speaking through the words of the songs so clearly. It was kind of creepy in a way. But it wasn't only exactly what I needed to hear it was also a feeling that I needed to feel. I've been struggling with my faith in the last week or so and I've been praying for the fire inside me to be rekindled and it is now flaming all the way to my nose. tres wow.

christmas.

2005-12-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was full of firsts for me. It was my first time ever leaving my house on Christmas. I kid you not, I have never even played outside in my backyard on Christmas. I've never had to, Christmas was always celebrated at our house, everything always came to me so I've never had to leave the comfort of my home. This year wasn't going to be any different, I thought that my mommy would make my sister and I stay home. I was actually very surprised when she allowed us to go, it was pretty amazing.

At the church, we sang of love. we sang of joy, and of hope. I got stopped on the way home by a couple of men who were at the dinner and they thanked us and passed back some of the joy that christ through us had placed in them. It was really neat.

This year was a big eye opener. I've never grown so much in my life. I've changed, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it. I'm on a journey and this year I definetly took the scenic route.

There was so many firsts this year, like it was the first christmas I've ever wore jeans, the first christmas I've ever had a boyfriend, the first Christmas where I actually had seconds of turkey, the first christmas I've ever eaten dinner in the living room, the first christmas that I didn't get changed into my pajamas before everyone had gone home. It was really the greatest christmas ever. It was the first Christmas I've spent in love with Jesus.

important

2005-11-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

This poem is a good reminder of what's really important in life.

I had always been taughtto ask God for what I needed
and that he would give me
whatever I ask for in his name.
So, I asked God forprosperity, power, popularity,
good grades, safety, success,
good friends, health, and wealth.
In all these things,I asked God for more of what I wanted,
but he gave me more of what I needed:
Himself.

mediocre

2005-11-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

I've been praying a lot lately about settling for mediocre work. I've been in this area where I will be okay with something as long as it is better than most other people. Like, in my biology class, I'm getting 79%, which is absolutely horrible compared to what my science marks are usually like, yet because it is the highest mark in the class, i'm content with it. Now, I know I can do better, I know I should be doing better, yet the extra time and effort that I'd be putting into it just doesn't seem very appealing. I often feel like that in my christian walk as well. I often want to step out of my comfort zone and do something but a lot of the time I find myself talking myself out of it before I even try. I get telling myself that nothings going to work, that it wouldn't make any difference, and other words of destruction. I've been praying a lot for help sticking with things. For help to continue doing what I know I should be doing even when things get the way, help getting through these obstacles that I usually trip and fall over. Help getting up even if I do fall. Help to continue, to perservere.

reverendfun.com

2005-11-24T16:21:00.000-08:00

Weekly Wisdom - Christ Notes

2005-11-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

I got my weekly wisdom for this week and I thought I would share part of it:)

The same way you're saved is how you ought to live.

Colossians 2:6 says, So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him.

This is such an awesome scripture for it says that the way we were saved is the way we must live. You didn't get saved by trying and struggling; likewise, you can't live your life on your own strength.

Every believer is saved simply by believing (and receiving) God's love, grace, and mercy. Therefore, live each day of your life by receiving God's strength and walking in His grace and mercy. Remember, the same way you're saved is how you ought to live.

2005-11-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

Funny stuff.

2005-11-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

I thought it was pretty entertaining:)

Breaking Point

2005-11-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

I've tried writing this blog twice already and I haven't been able to do it. Sometimes I find it really hard exposing my weaknesses, my shortcomings. I often only confide these kind of things with those whom I'm really close with and then usually later in my life I'm able to open up about trials I've been through and weaknesses I've experienced. Today I'm going to put myself out there and hopefully this will be another step towards overcoming this fear of mine. The fear of being inadequate often catches me and I won't let it anymore. I've now realized it and now am taking the step to catch it and throw it away.

Today, I felt like my patience was being tested. I'm usually very patient but today I found where my patience ended. I definetly feel like I failed this test. I got so frustrated I felt like ripping out my hair. I had no idea how to deal with this frustration, so I bottled it. I didn't want people to see the troubles I was having. I knew having all this emotion bottled up wasn't very healthy so I turned to a few of my best friends. They're the ones that I always can talk to, it's nice having them around. I told my story a few times and after that I was still very confused and just plain unhappy. Frustrated and pulled to my breaking point I went to God. I asked Him to help me, I told Him that I knew I couldn't do this on my own. In my weakness I found His strength.

<3

2005-11-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

Change inside of me.

2005-11-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

Today was definetly different. I like different, don't get me wrong. Today I was focusing a lot in my head about changes I've seen in me. It was kind of cool looking back and seeing who I was and then looking at who I've become. What really excites me are the changes that are yet to come. I'm growing spiritually and every day is another step towards Jesus. It's kind of cool, now I can truthfully answer yes to the question, "has getting older brought me closer to Christ" Yeah it has for me, I've gone from not knowing him, to somewhat knowing him, to now, striving to be like him and to live out my purpose on this earth. I think it's really exciting and it feels like I'm finally living my life, before I was just existing. I pray that I'll never go back, I will never turn away from this path that I happened to stumble apon. I also pray that as I continue to grow older that my worship won't become stale, I pray that it won't just become a routine that I do for the sake of doing, I pray that it will be fresh and genuine everyday of my life.
God is super amazing, and I definetly adore him:)

2005-10-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

So I was reading my emails and I ended up reading an email from christianitytoday.com which I don't usually do because... I never seem to have time and a lot of the time they just aren't all that informing. Anyways, I was reading it and it hit something in me so I thought I would post it. I think the implications of putting the label "Christian" on yourself has been coming up a lot for me lately. Just like, once you call yourself a Christian you are immediately getting half a billion more eyes on you just waiting for you to screw up. Thats a lot of pressure to be under! I guess you just have to remember that God knows that you aren't perfect and thats why he sent us Jesus, there is forgiveness!! wooh, good to know.. well, heres the article for incase you wanted to read it:

They'll know we are Christians by our fish?

I was driving in downtown Chicago last week, where traffic seems to be our No. 1 pastime—even ahead of baseball (go Sox!). In my mind-numbed auto stupor, I noticed that the car ahead of me had that little fish on the back (you know, the ichthus?) Really, I couldn't help but notice, not because I'm automatically drawn to Christian symbolism, but because the driver rudely cut me off in traffic without using a turn signal.Don't get me wrong. I'm sure my driving habits have offended others at some point too. None of us are perfect. But the car fish is one of those everyday cultural items that stir mixed feelings in me. At time I'm filled with good cheer when I see it—"Ah, there goes a brother or sister in Christ. God bless!" And admit it: When a driver with a fish on his car is courteous in traffic, you conclude that they were nice because they were a Christian, as "proven" by the fish, right?If that's true, then we need to accept the downside of the fish. It brands us as a Christian, and that means when we pull a fast one in traffic, another driver may think, There goes another rude and arrogant Christian. There's great responsibility in wearing the fish, and from my driving experiences, not enough Christians take it seriously.Should that be any different from wearing the name "Christian" in our everyday living? This directly relates to the whole secular vs. sacred debate. I think some Christian artists are reluctant to be called "Christian artists" because they're afraid that in the spotlight, they will occasionally slip up and misrepresent Christ. It's easy to think, Yes, but we're all family in Christian music—we show grace to each other when we make mistakes—whether in traffic or in the mainstream. Right? Tell that to artists like Amy Grant, P.O.D., Sixpence None the Richer, and Switchfoot.It's something to consider, the responsibility of being labeled for Christ. As it pertains to music, I can see it either way. Whether or not artists are publicly identified as "Christian artists," I can't stress enough that the emphasis be on their conduct, and not on their label. Personally, I'm not the type who calls much attention to myself with symbols and such. I'd rather be labeled a Christian by my words and actions—that people know me as a Christian by my love, not my shortcomings or my advertising.

Brent

2005-10-26T18:03:00.000-07:00

So Brent, I bet you think this blog will be all about you. Well, if that is what you're thinking then you're definetly right. So now I bet you're wondering what I'm going to write about you? To tell you the truth, I don't even know what I'm going to write about you yet.

Well, anyways, here I go. So there once was this guy named Brent and He was what most would call a Jesus Freak, I know I definetly would. So yeah, Brent went to school at a big place called New Westminster Secondary School where he started this pretty rad lunch group that this cool girl Ashley happens to attend. At this lunch group he's pretty much one of the coolest leaders ever and actually, speaking of leaders, did I mention that he leads Bible study on sunday morning? Yeah, thats right, is this kid talented or what!? So while I'm on the subject of talented, lets talk about another one of his amazing talents. He is a super drum player, and when I say super, I definetly mean super. Brent is pretty amazing, what can I say... . So really, I could go on for hours about Brent but I don't have hours so I won't.

But before I go, I'd like to do some thanking. Thank you Brent for always being there, Thank you for always being so nice and so easy to talk to, thanks for answering all of my silly out of place questions and for putting up with all of my power trips, you are truly amazing. Thanks for being you:)

Love and such.

2005-10-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so in love, it's really cool. This week has been pretty surreal, I've spent it with a few of the greatest people in the world, I've had conversations that I won't ever forget, I've had frustrations that led to important truths that I probably wouldn't have found without them, and I've been reading my bible tons. Who knew having a strike would be so beneficial? I've found myself doing lots of things and also having time left for those that matter the most, God and my family. It's pretty exciting. So yeah...

This week makes me smile, the last year makes me smile. I've grown more in this year than I have my whole life, its super spectacular.

I've been reading lots in the purpose driven life and there has been a ton of things that have stuck out for me and a lot of them were in the Fellowship section. I'm doing a conflict resolution class at school that I have wanted to quit so many times, not because I wasn't enjoying them or I wasn't getting anything from them, but because I am super lazy and didn't want to have to be at school that early. I know, bad reason but its true. This section made everything I'm learning in school right now applicable for using in Godly life which is super cool because thats the life I'm trying to live:). Yeah... My point was that this book is impactful and that I think that it would be the greatest thing ever if we took this fellowship thing seriously and started working it into our lives, I'm thinking that if even in Refuge we start this then it will impact the whole church and then other churches will see how close we are and then they'll want that in their church too and then all the people outside the church will be all like "woah, look at them, they're all close and such, I want that" and it will eventually impact the whole world. It's a dream, but I see it happening. Refuge, we can be the beginning of a huge movement, doesn't that excite you?

Greatness.

2005-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, another great weekend was provided by the wondrous Camp Sunrise. I think I love it there, actually i dont think I love it there, I definetly love it there. It's a place that I'd like to be still... but everybody has to go home at some point.

This weekend surrender came up, and it has been coming up quite a bit lately. This morning I went to put my jacket on, my jacket that I haven't worn since before RAW i think.. So anyways, in the pocket I found my testimony and reason for attending RAW rough draft. I read it and was amazed. I guess that sounds funny but its true. I was so joyful when I wrote that, and the cool part is that I'm still joyful. I'm coming up on a year since I gave my life to Jesus and the joy he's given me hasn't faded. Sure, I've had good days and bad days but that underlying joy is always there. Jesus is always there. That makes things a lot better.

So to end this blog on a good note, I will leave you with some beautiful pictures:)

This is my baby,
Xena-------------------------------------->

xena and monkey /Monkey Lulu Huespe

X {LR} : 8

Kittens

2005-10-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Angel and MJ;

I thought I would publically anounce that the kittens are absolutely amazing and that I'm hopelessly in love. They've made my kitchen their home right now and they both seem very happy. The kitchen has absolutely everything they could possibly need: food, kitty litter, water and tons, I mean TONS of love. It's the busiest room in the house so they never get bored. They've got lots of toys but they only really like one... I made it all by myself! Its actually just the string from my pajamas... I tied a little mouse to it and they go crazy playing with it. It's quite entertaining. I think they're the most adorable when they're sleeping.. They either sleep real close to me or sleep in my hands. They're ultra precious. I've only named one so far and that would be the siamese kitten. Her name is Xena. No-one in my family is ultra attached to that name for her but I think it fits her perfectly and she loves it lots. She's my little warrior princess. The fluffy kitty is still anonymous but I'm thinking! I really love them a lot and I want to thank you guys a million times for letting them be a part of my family. One day after school or whatever you guys should come over and we'll hang out and play with the kitties.
Love you lots and lots,
Ashley

PS - I'm in need of email addresses from both of you. Mine is straykittie27@hotmail.com.

Me and God time.

2005-10-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

My teachers are on strike. I'm definetly not complaining, today was a very good day. I relaxed, played guitar, read and ate. All of those happening to be a few of my favourite things.

I attempted at "praying without ceasing" today... I wasn't very successful but I'm guessing that it's one of those disipline things thats going to take a while. It's something that I'm going to work on. It was cool doing it though. I talked to God about a lot of stuff that was going on at school and such. We talked about boys and dating and He cleared things up for me. It was a good experiencing so I plan on continuing.

what else has been going on... well there's listening prayer tonight, i guess i'm looking forward to that. Wait, not I guess, I mean I am very much looking forward to it.

<3

Happiness

2005-10-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

I've been really happy lately. Everything seems to be working. I feel like... transformed. Born again, again. Its truthfully one of the coolest feelings I've ever felt in my whole life.

One of the best things going on in my life right now is that my focus is changing. Its turning from being apon myself and now turning to God. Its kind of a process that's taking a little while because apparently saying no to self and yes to God is harder than I thought... But, I'm really happy that is changing though because even lately with my small changes I'm noticing an inner joy reveiling itself. yeah... so thats awesome.

So, thank you Jesus for blessing my life and working in my heart. You are truly amazing.

X {LR}: 8

2005-10-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

That was what our first sessions were about. Finding out who we are in ways such as our:
S piritual gifts
H eart
A bilities
P ersonality
E xperience

I actually thought that Dave Allen speaking on this was really cool. He had done the "purpose driven life" in his church so a lot of what he talked about came from the book. I thought it was cool because he talked on all the things that I was reading at the time in my book. Super amazing if I must say so myself.

Mentors

That was what our second sessions were about. An amazing man named Darian Kovacs came and talked to us on this and what he said was really moving. He recounted several experiences with mentors and talked about how important they are. He talked about different kinds of mentors and said some amazing things that I will definetly repeat for you.

"Mentors can be stability during a storm,

Mentors can be truth in the midst of lies"

"you can set fire into someones life"

*"Is Jesus enough?"

"I want to be a fire sparker, not a fire fighter."

Those were some things that Darian mentioned that hit me and stuck out.

Do you want to know what my favourite part of the weekend was though? It was that we were a family. Some of us had just met eachother yet we all got along, we all talked to one another as if we had known eachother forever. It was amazing and I really want to see that in our church. I want that sense of family that I don't really see all the time. I think it would be the greatest thing in the world to be able to see all of us come together and be united as the body of Christ even just in refuge. But I don't want it to end at refuge either, God's been talking to me about a lot of things this weekend and unity was definetly a topic that came up a lot.

I thought this weekend was needed and it set me on fire. For awhile i've been feeling like my fires been very close to dieing, Iw as ready to give up. This was taking too much work and I wasnt seeing any changes. My fire was kindled this weekend though, it is now a consuming fire.

Darian Kovacs said that Olive trees take up to three generations to bear fruit. So thats like investing yourself in someone as a mentor, it takes time and you might not see fruit right away.

So those are some of my thoughts for right now.. There's a lot more in my head but I'll write them at some other point in time...

Happy Thoughts

2005-09-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

Words have power

2005-09-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm frustrated and quite upset. Words are so powerful and even when they're not said to you they can still affect you. I believe my frustration is more of a built up thing... I've been angry about this same subject many times but every time it came up I would let it slide. I'd just say to myself that it wasn't worth confronting. It turns out it was. I didn't confront this problem so it has come up again and again. I've hit a point where I can't let it slide anymore though. Now I'm not the only one being hurt by this so it has to be dealt with.

I'm not sure how I'm going to do this though. I'm very afraid of damaging a friendship. I know that leaving this alone will damage it even more than confronting it will though... So, I'm not really sure why this fear is here. I was hoping for you guys to pray for me.. Pray that the words and the courage needed will be given to me because right now I have none of that.

Proverbs 13:3He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
Psalm 141:3Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.
Proverbs 12:18Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Outer Appearance

2005-09-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

I often find myself "needing" things. The truth is I don't really need many of the things I feel I need. I was thinking about that the other day... My mom said that I was being vain, which I was... I've been caring so much lately about what I look like and what I'm wearing.. It takes quite a bit of persuasion to remember that God doesn't care about those things at all.. they don't matter. It's how I look on the inside that matters.

Mosquitoes

2005-09-02T18:07:00.000-07:00

I went camping.. a while ago now but I still went camping. Mosquitoes love it when you're camping. They find you every single time and attack you. They swarm and attack. They know exactly when you want to relax.. They strike and they suck majorly. I found something that they couldn't deal with though. They all left my area and swarmed the unprotected kids in my family. I found something quite special. If you're asking what it was then I will tell you. It was the super great invention called "Mosquito Repellant." Now, this was my first time camping with this strange contraption and truthfully I never want to leave my house without it again. So when I started writing this I was going in a totally different direction but God has changed the way things have been written. He's quite cool in that way. Well, would anyone like an interpretation?

I'm giving it to you anyways.

Well the Devil is quite the guy... he swarms, he attacks... he's very annoying.. You know, he kind of reminds me of someone... I wonder who?

Umm well theres This God Fellow... He repels the Devil...

So now God is Mosquito Repellant and let me tell you, there are mosquitoes everywhere and at all times so I'd be immersed in mosquito repellant all the time if I were you.

So... this blog went a way different way than I meant for it to go... It was goign to be about self control... a very important thing... It's one of the fruits of the Spirit! that shows how grand it is...

Lifelong Learning

2005-08-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

I went to school this morning and I learned more in 5 hours than I've learned all summer long. It was a day of transformation for me. I've realized that the ways I have been dealing with conflicts with my parents and my siblings is nowhere near constructive. This class has changed my whole thinking pattern and it was such a rapid change too. It was wierd. Definetly needed, but wierd. It was so useful too, I was able to help out so much just in one day. I think its crazy... 5 hours and my life is changed. I think truthfully it took like half an hour for me to realize that I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be in anything really. But then I thought, who is? Everyday we're learning and everyday we're going to learn. Its lifelong and its never going to end.

Slacking

2005-08-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about slacking today. Not only because I've being a slacker when it comes to writing in my blog but also because I choose to not do enough in many parts of my life.

For the last two days I've been saying to myself that I would email Karyn and that I would read John. Have I done any of those things? no.... I've done other productive things but the things that I've deliberately set out to do I haven't gotten around to. I'm thinking of starting a list and locking myself in my room until everything is done. That would get things done.. I'd go crazy but everything that I needed to be done would be finished.

I've been slacking in my prayer life as well. I'll be praying and then my mind will wander and I'll end up having a conversation with myself instead of with God. I find that I barely ever even finish my prayers because I'll get sidetracked. It happens so often. I try so hard not to but it still happens. I'm going to pray for God's help in this situation because I can't do it on my own. I was praying the bible the other day and I didn't get sidetracked then so I think I'm going to do that more often and stand up and walk around while I'm praying. Those things will most likely help.

I was reading something in Proverbs yesterday... or maybe it was the day before... I don't remember but it talked about laziness and I was going to write it down and give it to Andrew but it seems that right now I'm in need of it as well. I'm being extremely lazy and that's not what I was made to do. I have lots of energy, I have nothing wrong with my legs or my arms or anything so that brings me to thinking that I wasn't meant for sitting around on my butt all day doing nothing. I'm supposed to be out doing things.

I was talking to my little brother about Jesus today. He's so adorable and he loves sitting and talking with me. He would much rather talk about lamps though... I tried talking about heaven and stuff with him . He was really cute , I told him God lived in heaven and he said he wanted to fly up to see him. I told him that God made the trees and stuff and he thought that that was cool. My baby is the greatest kid in the world. I spent the whole morning with him. We listened to Jesus music while I gave him a massage and put lotion on to his arms and legs and hands and feet. We made a bracelet and a necklace too and he's been wearing them all day which is surprising because normally they would've been given back to me after a half an hour of him wearing them.

I've had a good day, My moms going to take me shopping for swimming shorts soon and tonight I'm going to spend some time with God and I'm going to read John. I really like that book, It's all Jesus-y:).

God is love

2005-08-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I was reading this scripture because I've always liked it. It fills me with happiness whenever I come across it. I was reading it yesterday and I decided to insert God wherever it said love because God is love.

God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.

Wow, that definetly made my day yesterday. I was ecstatic. It made me so happy.

In the beginning...

2005-08-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

I was reading the blogs of some friends and then got all of these thoughts so I had to make my own... I know, I'm such a copycat, but I couldn't help my self. My mind was racing and all of my thoughts had to go somewhere so why not right here.

I had this dream last night. These two guys came up through my gate and went straight for Tim and started choking him. My Mom, Dad, and I all ran outside. My mom saved Tim and then they started choking her. My Dad helped her out and there I was running around like a maniac "Jesus is Lord!" "Jesus is Lord!". My Dad got one of the guys and then tied him up in the backyard. Everyone went back to normal. My Dad was watering the grass, My mom went to the kitchen, Tim sat at the picnic table, and I stood on the porch thinking about how crazy it was that there was a murderer tied up in my backyard like a dog. The other guy came back and went after me. The guy who was tied up in the backyard got free and came after me also. They're both coming after me and one has the chance to kill me and he didn't take it. He came and put his arm around my neck and I couldn't get "Jesus is Lord" out of my mouth anymore. He pinched this one part in my neck so that I couldn't be heard anymore.

Well I didn't really think much about my dream until I started writing this but I believe I've gotten it pretty much all figured out. In it I think that the two guys were the devil and it shows how the devil will go after everyone, it doesn't matter if they're disabled, elderly, anything. I think it also shows how we can tame the devil and keep him away by having the Lord number one on our list and using his strength to keep the devil away but if you forget about the Lord and he loses the number one spot then the devils going to take that advantage and run with it. The devils silenced me at the end. I was no longer able to proclaim the truth and I think that that can happen. You start thinking about other things and when theres someone who needs prayer instead of praying for them you blow them off thinking that someone else will do it for you. But I think that if you have the opportunity to witness to someone or help someone in need then you should take it. I know I probably sound like a hypocrite because I often keep my mouth shut when I know that I'm supposed to be witnessing. That happened when I was on Gabriola Island. This man needed Jesus and I know Jesus and I could have introduced them, I believe this man was sent to me to find Jesus but I didn't say a word. Not a word. That bothered me a lot afterwords. I could have brought Jesus to someone in need and I didn't. Fear took a hold of me and I froze. I still can't believe I did that. It's something that I don't ever want to do again.