//different//

Wow, It's been a wierd week. I'm not even sure I understand it all yet, theres definetly got to be a lesson in it somewhere.

It started with uncontrollable sobbing all Sunday, Oh and monday, and tuesday and also some of wednesday. And in the midst of that was some wierd on and off sickness that involved icky tummies and a whole lot of sneezing. I was dizzy a lot too and I just was completely exhausted most of the time. Not to mention I was really irritable and grumpy at everyone. I'm pretty sure I understand that one though, I was frustrated with soem family stuff and that was translating into the other areas of my life.

Gosh, so in between all the grumbling I did about everything I had a few of the most amazing moments of my life. I was forced to go to God because I couldn't talk to anybody about what was going on because I didn't really know. I spent more time in prayer than I have in awhile. I also had to discipline myself to do my bible study even though I would have much rather been sleeping. So I guess, I do kind of understand a little of whats going on. I'm pretty sure this is what they call trials and I'm gaining some perseverance and becoming intimate with God.

A big thing I've been thinking about a lot this week is the verse that goes:

"If you love me, obey my commandments"

I don't know where its found but I know I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I think it shows you what Christianity is really about. A lot of people see it as just an extra set of rules that "goody-goodys" follow. I've been really chewing on it for a while. Everything we do should be out of love for Jesus and in gratitude for everything He's done for us. Like, we often say we love Jesus or atleast I do but lately I've noticed that those are just words and my actions need to portray that. This whole thought makes much more sence in my head ... God just keeps asking me, Do you love Me? and my answer is always changing and I really want it to be yes but thats not the reality all the time. It's something that I'm defiently working on.

Anyways, I think I"m going to stop rambling now...